Ellen's Passing

The other day I received word that a former friend of mine had passed away.

Her name was Ellen K. When I was an undergraduate I had an education class and observed classes in a local high school. Ellen was a student in one of the observed classes. I met her again a couple of years later when she was also an undergraduate and we had some classes together. She was part of my college circle, and she lived in a group house with me when I was a senior and a first year graduate student. I developed one of those stupid unrequited passions for her. (All my passions were unrequited back then—come to think of it, all of them were pretty stupid). This made our relationship difficult and painful, but I introduced her to the Buddhism of Nichiren and mentored her during her early days of practice. I am pleased (perhaps perversely) that she was apparently an SGI chapter leader at the time of her death.

Overcoming my feelings for her and mentoring her in the practice was one of the toughest things I ever did, and it changed me enough that I mark the difference in my signature. For the past couple of decades I have replaced the "th" in my first name with an "eth" to mark the difference between my pre- and post- Ellen selves.

Even though I consciously ended my contact with her two decades ago, it's a bit of a shock to hear of her passing. People who are or were important to me should hang around until my death--at a very advanced age, of course! I need as many mourners as I can get, thank you.